Why Church People Suck; My Jesus Face

I’m talking about myself too, on some level. Because, we all do it. This thing – being fake by putting on the front we think people want to see, the face we think Jesus most adores.

I was part of a small group a few years back. And to be honest, I did not connect deeply or even LIKE many of the people I met. I always felt like a misfit, like if I really shared what I thought I’d be judged. Being on staff at the church made it worse. Church leadership is inherently isolating, but that topic is for another day.

Fast-forward a few years … I had my first baby and desperately needed to connect with other moms. I found myself reconnecting with a few people from that small group only this time, it wasn’t over sermon discussions or even intentionally faith-based. Instead, we bonded together over our new common link, motherhood. I quickly found that the pseudo-honest conversations we had partaken in from years past were leveled. Motherhood stripped away all pretenses. We were in this thing, together. Bonded over breast-milk and teething and sex with our husbands post-baby. Discussion points weren’t dictated by a sermon or administrated by a question-sheet. It was life, lived, together. These are some of my favorite people now.

Someone close to me went through a pretty awful lawsuit many years ago. Christian on Christian violence. The defendant of this suite was baffled. He had attended church with the plaintiff for a decade, knew him as an elder and spiritual leader and yet here he was, being sued by his old Christian mentor. In discussing the situation with a trusted Christian businessman, the defendant shared how blindsided he was by the discrepancy in the plaintiff’s outward lifestyle and supposed sense of morality when the truth of the matter was clearly, entirely different. The wise businessman, listening, asked if the defendant had ever WORKED with this person before going into business with him. In response, the defendant revealed that the only context in which he knew the plaintiff was in church. The wise man shook his head and said; that’s never enough. He began to share his experiences and instructed the defendant with this; you must work with someone – see how they really are, how they live life outside of church before you can trust the integrity of their character.

Character isn’t tested inside the temple. It is rare that within the confines of a worship service the intentions of the heart would be publically exposed.

We go to church to worship and be inspired in our faith journey but when it comes to growing together spiritually, it’s often, simply, shallow. Part of the inherent problem with trying to find friends based solely off of spiritual connection is, we’re all striving toward being somebody else. Jesus…or our perception of Him. There is therfore an element of striving to be higher than you really are involved in those connections. People struggle with being. As they are. As I am. We’re supposed to be transparent but without perfection, there is judgment implied.

We put on our Jesus Face. And sadly, none of us really look like Him anyway.

I’m not picking on anyone here. If it isn’t clear, please understand – I have my Jesus Face too. I can play church like the best of them. It takes concerted effort and an almost –I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK- attitude for me to just, BE. Me. Oh, I know others who do it better, whose masks are thicker and harder to crack. My point is, I think we ALL do it. We talk christianese at church and keep cuss words for the car ride home. We sip our special small group coffee and keep our wine and cigs behind closed doors. (Or outside, for when the kids go to bed. *ducks*)

I don’t fault the Church for this. Faith isn’t really the problem.

People are. You are. I am. Together, we can be crazy. And what I really mean is, FAKE AS HELL! This is why church people suck. When we get together, we change ourselves to be something and when we do that, it’s impossible to connect. Shallow water is good for very little.

Did Jesus find any of His closest friends at Temple? Did He go searching for a small group of like-minded individuals to be in his special network? No. He found people that were already living life – fishermen, a doctor, a tax accountant, etc. And some of these people were already doing life TOGETHER. He chose people who were un-churched and worldly. I’m willing to bet that one of the reasons He did this was because He knew they’d more easily follow and learn without all the church pretenses. They were not Pharisees; they were not church leaders. They did not have a Jesus Face. But they sure knew how to break bread together.

When it comes to really knowing people, we have to do life with each other. And that doesn’t mean an hour a week of prayer and sermon discussion. I think if it doesn’t go any deeper, it’s perpetuating the façade – the very thing that is turning 30-somethings away from Christianity by the droves.

People, we have to get the hell out of church and do a work project with our neighbors. Let's raise our babies with other parents. Have a beer and talk shop. Go grocery shopping and have a community barn-raising. What small groups do in five years, just 'doing the damn thing' of life does in 6 months. I think it’s foolish to believe real relationships are made in church. We are asking too much and expecting too little, unfairly.

Put away the Jesus Face. Because I’m pretty sure He sees your real face and thinks it’s, beautiful. I bet your friends will too.