When Did ‘Judge’ Become The New ‘F-Word’?

What is the point of political correctness? So that we can pretend our decisions and therefore our relationships are copasetic? So that people aren’t offended? To protect our fragile sense of security?

Time and again I hear people making disclaimers about lifestyle choices (work ethic, political affiliation, stance on this issue or that, parenting styles) beginning with the phrase, I’m not judging you but we do X, Y, Z. If I’ve heard it once (today), I’ve heard it a thousand times. To judge others is mean and wrong and politically incorrect.

But is it such a bad thing to judge? Aren’t we (really!) judging anyway?

Is it necessary to begin every thought and opinion with a disclaimer? Does a pre-qualification of non-judgment REALLY and truly delude the weight of decisions or opinions enough to convince our friends we aren’t judging their different or even opposing views?

Here’s the truth. We judge every single day. And it’s often a good thing.

Clearly if I choose THIS method over THAT method, I’ve made a judgment call. For me and my family, I choose things every single day. Do the jellybeans need me to tell them, Sorry, no judgment. But Nico needs some fresh fruit instead. And if the jellybeans don’t need coddled, why do we?

Yes, I know there is a difference between judging someone and making a judgment call. But it’s a pretty thin line. In fact, in some cases, it’s really just a fake line.

If I hear someone say, I’m using Growing Kids God’s Way (GKGW: curriculum/methodology of discipline and parenting) and I manage to kindly respond, Oh, no judgment but we don’t do that, does that mean I have not judged? Maybe better people than I exist in the world (doubtful, ha!), but I would likely (want to) back away slowly with a look of shocked horror mixed with pity for the child involved if I heard that come out of a mothers mouth. Even if I could muster a gracious response outwardly, in my heart I’m still judging. Why? Because I think GKGW is psychotic and damaging – emotionally and spiritually and physically if used in extremes.

Now, before you go berating me (in your head naturally, so not be labeled judgmental), think about something you do or believe in that you are passionate about. Your political affiliation? Your religion? Babywise? Attachment Parenting? Co-sleeping?? And tell me that in your HEART (regardless of how well you think you HIDE your heart and opinion) you don’t secretly or not so secretly judge the opposing view!

We all do it. We can pretend this giant melting pot has tremendous positive effects on how we engage diversity (not talking race here), but I kinda think it’s a farce. I’m calling the bluff.

In my Moms Club, we have one rule: No judgment. And I guess I’m wondering lately, what that means? Does it mean that to someone’s FACE I shouldn’t scoff at their method? Are we really suggesting that, when it comes to methodology, theology, parenting styles, whatever, we should not judge, and therefore have no strong preference? Are we really saying, in life, that you can believe X and I can believe A and it’s all okay? You can be right and I can be right?

WRONG!

It’s annoyingly small-minded of us to live in this kind of avoidance. If you are a democrat and I am a republican, I CLEARLY think you are wrong. Because I CLEARLY think I am right. If you are Christian and I am Muslim, I clearly think you are wrong. If you co-sleep and I babywise, well, that’s almost a bigger judging blood bath than the Crusades.

But what’s the answer? Silence? Only hang with like-minded people? I don’t know. The only solution I see, really, if we want to be genuine, honest, straight-shooters, living in a hodge-podge melting pot of ideas and thoughts and opinions and life-choices is to fake it or argue it out. Learn to appreciate the person OVER the issue, all the while admitting openly and to each other – that in THIS or THAT, we agree to DISAGREE.

I’m guess I’m just suggesting, let’s not placate one another. Let’s not lie to ourselves and our friends with the illusion that judgment isn’t a big part of relational dynamics. I know you’re judging anyway. And I, I admit it. I judge you too.