It's Hard, But He's Harder - Solid Rock In Fact.

My husband begins his last semester of grad school tomorrow. And will work on completing 100 hours of internship. He works a full-time job. And is in the process of scouting for policy jobs.

He's a father and husband too.

We're insane.

I'm reminded of the truth that the darkest part of the night is right before dawn. I'm anticipating an all-and-all out sprint to the finish over the next several months, a testing of endurance like none other in our lives because, can I just say? This is hard.

"Hard" has become my go-to description word. When someone asks me (REALLY asks me and CARES about an honest answer) how I'm doing it - balancing the craziness and being a single mother a few days a week, working part-time, managing my household, and so on - all I can really say is, it's hard. I feel tired, pretty much all the time. Layers and layers of exhaustion. (This is why I believe in the power of make-up. And coffee.)

Sometimes, I find myself just pissed. And I can't always put a finger on why. (hormones, maybe?) Mostly, I think it's just life right now. A new friend recently put the mother-of-an-infant-angst into these words, "What are you going to do? Be mad at the baby? No, so you just get mad at everything else." And it's so true. (but sometimes I admit, I DO get mad at the baby. 'SLEEP, DAMN IT!' *ducks*)
I know, I know. My kids are healthy and beautiful and I have everything I ever wanted. I get that. I appreciate that and thank God for those things every day.

This is still hard. We are still so, so tired. Our marriage is more like two trains passing in the night. Date Night's so easily become business meetings and sex? Well, we try. *yawn*

Michael and I talked about hope recently. It's what gets us through. In four months, these times will be distant memories and a new chapter will begin. A wonderful, new beginning, somewhere in this grand world... All we need to do is hope for it. Keep our eyes on it. Follow the course and not waiver in our resolve to finish, and finish well.

But, it's hard. It's hard to hope in the unseen when you're in the midst of the day-to-day grind. We need something tangible to plant our feet in, to hold us in place when the waves of exhaustion and marital disagreements and parental confusion seeks to knock us down and distract us from the end just in sight. We need Jesus.

It's only in the arms of our Savior that we can endure. Yes it's hard. But He's harder - made of solid rock, a sure foundation. I don't know what we'd do without the stability of our faith.

Psalm 62
Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken...
My salvation and my honor depend on God: he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge...
One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard: “Power belongs to you, God, and with you, Lord, is unfailing love”; and, “You reward everyone according to what they have done.”