How to Parent Two Babies?

Selah Shalom was born September 26th. It's been quite an adjustment and in some ways, not as big of an adjustment as I anticipated. The second time around is easier. We knew what to expect and in these circumstances, knowlege is power. Perspective is everything. I know, because I've done it before, that the hard stuff (nightime feedings, baby poops every time they eat, feeding every two hours, sore nipples, random wake time, unsure why they are crying, etc...) does pass and passes more quickly than I could have ever imagined the first time around. But there are different things too, new things...

Selah is so different than Nico. Easier than he was an infant. She's more cuddly, breastfeeds perfectly, sleeps well, etc. She is two weeks old today. Nico is 14 months old, and proves to be the more difficult one day after day.

I didn't think he'd do the jealous thing, mostly because he is so young and has always been pretty laid back. But for the past few weeks, he's been hard to manage - very whiny - extremely needy. It COULD be that he's in transition - I hear the "terrible two's" actually starts around one and a half. I also know it frustrates him that he can't communicate. But, I'm not going to make excuses - he IS jealous and wants MY attention. The reason I know this is... he begins his whining and demanding mostly when I breastfeed... He steals the remote and tries to climb on the table when he knows I can't get up to correct him. It's deliberate. My son is very, very clever. And I'm evidently, not. I'm at a loss.

How do I know how to parent a toddler and not just ANY toddler, MY toddler? Who can tell me what equation makes the most sense for my specific family? Household set-up? My child's temperament? No one. That's the thing about parenting books, they are mostly bullshit because children and families and humans for that matter aren't really able to fit into a mold. We are all unique. Sometimes, annoyingly so.

I feel guilty a lot. Not regretful and certainly I would not do anything differently (I adore my daughter) but I feel badly that my 14 month old has to share so early in life. I feel sad to have to split my attention and that sometimes, it forces Nico to be "the big boy" when he's still such a baby himself. I know he won't remember a time without his sister and I know this too shall pass and he will adjust, but at what cost? Since he's so small, will this alter his otherwise laid-back, happy-go-lucky demeanour? I hope not.

I'm not going to lie. I'm a little scared. While I have some understanding on how to parent an infant, I don't know what I'm doing with a toddler and I don't want to make any mistakes. I know, impossible. But it's always in the back of my head... I want to do this RIGHT! They deserve that. But how? What IS right? I'm not sure I've ever been this unclear about what is the right and best thing. Children really should come with manuals. ha!

I guess for now, I'll just keep asking, praying, pleading, laughing and trying. What else is there?

Help me, Jesus.