Carrying Your Cross & The Myth of Meds

I think we all know those people who martyr. In small and big ways, they take on more than they should, seeking attention through false humility. These types of people are hard to be around in large doses because their anxiety and whoa-is-me/anything for you spiels are obviously suspect.

The evangelical church produces some of the worst of these types of people. I think it's because the concept of carrying your cross is wildly misunderstood. Somehow, this pervasive idea that following Jesus "well" equates chronic suffering and misery has eroded other, higher ideals like Love, Joy, Peace and just generally NOT acting like an asshole.

One danger I've observed in these misguided arenas of martyrdom and cross-carry is the denial of the very real existence of things like depression, anxiety and chemical/mental/emotional imbalances. Somehow, we've taken the Marilla/Anne of Green Gables, "to despair is to turn your back on God" quote as Gospel Truth. We've believed that deep grief should not be medicated lest we miss out on the blessing of our personal Gethsemane. We think mental illness is demonic and the antidote for these struggles is more faith and some thicker boot-straps.

Over ten years ago I was dealing with some personal stuff (shocking, i know!) and it was suggested that I start a mild-anxiety pill by my counselor. I was outraged, humiliated and totally confused as to why this Christian would suggest such a thing. After all, some of my anxiety came from poor life choices. Shouldn't I walk out my salvation, painfully? Isn't this part of the penance, I mean, repentance process?

I've come a long way since then and I've busted this myth of meds! I've come a long way this year, in fact. I've realized that the use of anxiety and depression meds boils down to pride vs. potential. I wouldn't go on a long night-hike without boots and a flashlight, just to prove I could. And more severely (because sometimes it IS), I wouldn't get heart surgery without anesthesia just to see if it were possible to go through it and live. Pride tries to prove something for the sake of martyred attention. Potential speaks to the hope of a full life.

Part of my current journey is admitting my need for boots - humbly accepting the tools needed in order to go on what may be a long hike up cliffs of confusion, through deserts of despair and across fields of failure. So for the sake of my potential, I recently went on some mild medications to help deal with my circumstantial depression and anxiety; it's helping.

The journey is long; longer than I realized and the path is as unclear as finding a pin on the floor in the dark. But now I have boots and a flashlight, and absolutely no Christian guilt. The burden is easier. And getting lighter.






Taking some inspiration from my girl, Tori Amos. Enjoy: Crucify.