Randoms (11)

I have to get these things off my chest. They tickle my mind late at night and serve to distract me during the day. Sometimes it's the little lingering, unresolved thoughts that produce the most stress. At any rate... here are my "randoms," part eleven.

• It's been FOREVER since I've updated. There are about 100 reasons for that but in the spirit of honesty I'll just say, things have been very personal lately - the kind of personal that would be inappropriate to make public and foolish to tiptoe around. Since I'm not someone to skirt around these things, I simply found myself unable to update. Not a whole lot has changed, per say, but circumstances can be funny. I find that when there is even small changes, especially in attitude and perspective, when I intentionally make time for my own mind's wanderings, freedom of thought and expression soon follow. So here goes nothing and everything;
• The children are great. They are rocking the room-share pretty darn well and with a few exceptions, it's been a joy. Out of spacial need or not, it was always important for me to room-share. Some of my favorite memories as a child have to do with sharing a room with my sister, or sleepovers with my cousins. I want to give my children the space to bond and share and whisper in the dark.
• Last year I mentioned that I had wanted to be a part of a Passion Play entitled, Why Must He Die, with the Tri-County Choir (Sewickley Choir Institute). It's dark and beautiful and haunting and happy. It used to simply be for high school kids but in recent years was opened up to alumni adults. I can honestly say, some of my dearest and warm high school memories surround the cast and music of this show. I was in it for three years and those years were some of my happiest when I was in the presence of my fellow friends and cast mates.
  I auditioned last year as alumni and at the last second had to decline. Post-partum just a few months, I simply couldn't give myself to 10, 4 hour rehearsals and 10-15 performances in the Lent season. But this year, I can. So with fear and trepidation and a few vocalizations with my good and talented friend, I auditioned. And was cast as...DUN, DUN, DUN, Mary, Mother of Jesus.
  This is a role I do not take lightly. Even more than my surprise at being cast as one of the leads, I am deeply moved by Mary. As a mother, I've contemplated Mary and her experiences on more than one occasion and not just at Christmas. I wonder about her, raising a prophetic child - the Son of God - and yet still dabbling in all the practical stuff we moms deal with. How did she balance that? And also, as an evangelical taught to almost dishonor Mary to balance out the Catholic idol worship of her (their words not mine), she's a great mystery to me. Her pondering haunts me, in a deeply moving way. Who was this woman and how can I be more like her? Lastly, as the one who was always cast as the harlot in the show,  I can't help but smile at the ironic choices this year. It makes me ponder redemption.
  If you are in the area, please come to a show. I'd love your support.

Performances include:

1. Fri. March 8 at 7pm- Our Lady of Grace Church 310 Kane Blvd. (Scott Township) 15243
2. Sun. March 10 at 2pm- St. Suzannah Parish 200 Stotler Road (Penn Hills) Pgh 15235
3. Sun. March 10 at 7pm- St. James Church 200 Walnut Street (Sewickley) 15143
4. Fri. March 15 at 7pm- Holy Martyrs Parish 353 W. 9th Ave. (Tarentum) 15084
5. Sun. March 17 at 2pm- Holy Spirit Parish 608 Farragut St. (Millvale) 15209
6. Sun. March 17 at 5pm- Sacred Heart Church 154 Orchard Street (Emsworth) 15202
7. Fri. March 22 at 7pm- St. Elizabeth Parish 1 Grove Place (Baldwin) 15236
8. Sun. March 24 at 2pm- Good Shepherd Church 1101 Braddock Ave. (Braddock) 15104
9. Sun. March 24 at 7pm- North American Martyrs Church 2526 Haymaker Road (Monroeville) 15146
10.Good Fri. March 29 at 12 Noon- St. John of God Parish 1011 Church Street (McKeesRocks) 15136
11.Good Fri. March 29 at 7pm- St. Patrick Church 317 West Pike Street (Canonsburg) 15317

• Speaking of LENT, this year I've decided to force myself into a moderation fast of alcohol. In the spirit of balance and actually LEARNING something, I will be allowing myself one day a week where I have some booze. I feel there is something in this for me to discover about myself or about my relationship with alcohol. And I welcome the opportunity to plan my week(s) accordingly.
• Another Lent thing; Michael and I decided we are going to kiss a LOT more this Lent. We've gotten into this habit of just rushing around and saying bye and I love you, but not taking the time go really kiss one another as a greeting or farewell or just because. We started this weekend actually and the impact it's having on the children is pretty intense, in a good way. For starters, they both stare at us as if the whole world just froze and for ONCE, they are silent and captured. Selah giggles after a while and Nico demands kisses for himself and then comments about those kisses. Like this morning, "Daddy kisses my hair." He's always pretty concerned about where things happen on his body. (toddler, boy, oh crap!) 
• At random, I was asked to speak at my church for their Ladies Day at the Center: Matthew 6:21. I was asked to speak to mothers. I'm still compiling my little "talk" but I do know I'm going to speak on battling self-condemnation with all the "should's" we moms face while raising children of any age, setting boundaries and so forth. It is extremely stressful for me, mostly given the fact that I've only been a mother for 2.5 years and for those who know me well, know I have barely a clue as to what I'm doing. But I tried to get out of it like 17 times and even picked a somewhat risque title to throw off the church conservatives and STILL they wanted me. So, "Stop 'SHOULD'-ing On Yourself, Mom" workshop will take place Feb 23. If you want to come and support me or heckle me, register here.
• I'm contemplating my life a little these days in the stay at home mom gig, my little @cityflicker Freelance business gig, the having more children thing and/or working full or part-time. There are so many catch 22's associated with these factors and while I'm happy to have the choice to feel out what's truly in my heart, I have to admit - my heart is torn. Did you know that mothers who work part-time rank the happiest women and stay at home mothers rank the most depressed? That's crazy. And, um, not at ALL surprising to me. I make a very concerted effort to DO things away from my children and it turns out, there is a LOT to do during the evening and weekend hours.
• One of the most difficult things in life is living in waiting. But I find the more I think and pray and read the Holy Scriptures, the more I am convinced that faith is worth the wait, that character is defined in these moments and that I want to be someone who is reliable and dependable and not so rocked by the shifting sand that is this broken economy, violent world affairs, an out of control climate - this life. I love that cheesy song by Justin Bieber:
  
  As long as you love me/We could be starving/We could be homeless/We could be broke As long as you love me/I'll be your platinum/I'll be your silver/I'll be your gold
  And that's the thing, the special secret to everything is Love. That's the key to living in the wait - giving and receiving love. Circumstances aside, God loves us. And I love. And that is the refinement that makes gold, expensive and pure and beautiful and worthy.
  
  So I leave you with this happy, cheesy song. Be loved, friends. Even and especially if you're living in the wait. ~Enjoy.

Until Next Time,
Signing Off