Sometimes there is harsh reality to the unspoken life - the sorrows unseen, the joys robbed by tragedy, addiction, abuse and chemical imbalances to name a few.
We're so public these days, with our instagrams and tweets, status updates and smiley selfies. The life we portray on camera can be such a far cry from reality. I have a friend who does something called, #showyourreal. It's an amazing concept. But sometimes I wonder as I follow along, if anybody really is, showing their real? Cuz let's be honest, when reality hits bottom, who the hell really WANTS to read a person's dark night of the soul and sleepless struggles?
We live in a culture of fake and sometimes the life we lead in public, is miles away from the truth of our hearts. It's a mistake to assume otherwise. Another mistake is to assume that Robin Williams, or anyone who has attempted or committed suicide, has implicitly done so as a decision to leave loved ones broken and spiraling. I don't think it's as selfish as we accuse it to be.
We've all heard it; suicide is the single most selfish act a person can commit. But what I know about it is that sometimes, it's meant to be selfless. It's meant to protect.
It was April 4, 1996, a month before my sweet sixteen, that I slit my wrists in my bathroom. The two hours of hell prior to that decision, and well, some parts of the 15 years leading up actually, were some of the bleakest. When all you see of yourself is the ability to hurt people and induce darkness, it's hard to find hope. It can be nearly impossible to see light. Very few people want to be around a sinking ship and so isolation and depression take root.
For me (and those who've kindly shared their stories with me), suicide wasn't about trying to punish people, to die for personal benefit or gain. There comes a point when it's absolutely possible to believe that the world would be better without you. That family and friends would finally have peace without your presence; that you are so bad, so irreparable, that taking your life somehow seems a beautiful sacrifice.
I can't explain it; deep depression un-dealt with is like gravity. It exists regardless of understanding or acknowledgment - insight or even desire. And it can pull anyone under and deceive even the steeliest of wills. Suicide therefore, is often MEANT to be selfless, to protect the world from the destruction and pain caused by that depression - a person in the midst of grieving tragedy, addiction, abuse or chemical imbalances can be hard to walk alongside.
I just want to say today that before we speculate and judge, before we call Mr. Williams selfish and shake our heads in confused judgment, can we try to see another side? He wasn't able to show his real; some people's stories are extremely personal and profoundly painful. Let's just be gentle with his life and with one another because right behind that hilarious joke, lip-stick covered smile or social butterflied persona lies a person with a history. A story. Real pain and radical significance.
Let's love one another, especially those struggling in the darkness.
If you or anyone is struggling with suicide or depression - no matter what problems you are dealing with - Lifeline will help you find a reason to keep living. Call 1.800.273.TALK. You are worth it. We all are! - http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
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