Randoms (8)

I have get these things off my chest. They tickle my mind late at night and serve to distract me during the day. Sometimes it's the little lingering, unresolved thoughts that produce the most stress. At any rate... here are my "randoms," part eight.

I cannot believe my son turns TWO in a week and a half. It feels like I’ve known him forever and yet, just yesterday, he was a tiny baby. I think I get it now, what older people say about time flying. When kids are your world, diaper changes and snacks and meals and naps, the days go slow but the weeks fly by. Time is flying. It makes me a little melancholy.

I’ve been sentimental lately. I have an intense desire to build and cultivate deep friendships with specific, God-given people. I am unapologetically choosy about who I consider my relational inner sanctum. I can’t be a good friend to tons of people. I can’t go a mile wide and a mile deep. I know this sounds foolishly pessimistic and ever-annoyingly cliché but, life is short. I want those who are in my life, walking this road of friendship and accountability, to know just how much they mean to me. I want to share the love, to yoke unity and passion and trust among this band of sisters, friends, confidants. I want to make these short years count. In the end, people are the only infallible, indispensable investment. I want to be a good friend. I want to model that for my children.

My brother-in-law on my husband’s side temporarily moved in with us this week as he and his family plan to relocate from Lancaster to Pittsburgh. I am reminded that nothing comes free. This new adventure doesn’t come without sacrifice or change, but nothing good ever does. We have a full house but I’m learning that a full house is usually a happier house. Life isn't about avoiding inconveniences or pain. It's about who you are IN IT that defines who you are OUTSIDE of it. Michael and I have always wanted to be people who keep our hearts open. Often, that means your home as well.

I made @cityflicker Freelance real this month. I’m officially a tax-paying, revenue-creating, work-from-home business owner. EEKS! Here’s a secret; I have no idea what I’m doing. Here’s another secret, I kinda like it. I feel very strongly that this little social media consulting gig I somehow stumbled upon is actually a stepping stone for something else and yet I can’t quite put my finger on it. I don’t think I’ll end up here, managing a few small business Facebook pages (okay, yes, I do more than that), and yet I can’t see down and around this long and twisty trail. I simply yet firmly and somehow intuitively know that I am doing what I am supposed to be. Sometimes it seems like some grand (hard but rewarding) Purpose is pushing me out of the nest, demanding I leave when it’s easier to just stay put. I’ve been asking my whole life to fly and when given the opportunity, I have reservations (and sometimes lame excuses). The nest IS small and unchallenging; it is safe. Let’s not kid ourselves that comfort is a primal default. But I was born for more than statuesque and a 9-5er so, here we are. Here we go. Fly it is. (Can someone give me directions?)