I Think Therefore I Am: The Power of Will

Michael and I had friends over a month or so ago. We love conversation with this couple because they are smart and observant, and they enjoy a decent debate. They have a foundation of faith and an intelligent worldview that we find true comradery in. Somewhere in that time we were discussing will power - the ability to choose differently. Our friend pointed out that he really believes that “will” is a gift, that some people have more will power than others. He explained that it isn’t right or fair to measure others by our own abilities.

The concept surprised me. And I’ve thought about it frequently.

I’ve never considered myself someone who has a ton of will-power. But I have often explained much of my character around the concept of a strong-will. For some reason, because I haven’t always behaved in measured, calculated, or restrained ways, I’ve considered myself weak-willed with regard to consumption, as one example. I’m starting to realize that it was not by accident that I behaved (sometimes still behave) in unrestrained ways; it is choice. I don’t always WANT to be measured and controlled. I “will” my actions, even the unruly ones. I believe that this is how I’ve partaken in a lot of behaviors and never developed a full-blown addiction. I’m starting to realize that I am both strong-willed and have will-power. And, since this has not always been a concerted effort to “think, therefore I am,” I do believe I have been given a supernatural will. A gift, if you will? (pun intended)

January 2nd I started Weight Watchers. I’ve lost 25 points. It’s a matter of will. I run into a lot of people who say they want to diet. Most don’t actually follow through. It’s been something I’ve wondered about. And maybe even secretly judged. Just do it! See the results and keep up the effort. If I can do it, you can do it. I’m starting to realize that, maybe, this is an unfair judgment call.

But food IS something I have struggled with. And if I have ever teetered on the edge OF an addiction, it’s been with food. Sure, I’ve binged on alcohol, tobacco, TV shows, etc… but mostly socially and for small amounts of time, never without conviction. But food? Well, that’s something that has unclear boundaries. How much is too much? Eating for comfort – don’t we all do that? At what point do we cross over from enjoying sustenance to becoming gluttons? Unlike alcohol (when exactly do we become “drunk?"), there isn’t an immediate physical manifestation of our gluttony. It’s only over time that our gluttony manifests itself in cellulite and larger pant sizes. We all have to eat. But what we eat and how much we eat is a matter of knowing yourself. And in the end, it's a matter of will.

Despite my strong will, there are certain items I do not purchase. (And I never grocery shop hungry.) Potato chips. Little Debbie Oatmeal Cakes. Dannon yogurt. Icecream (unless pregnant!) And even though I know how disgusting it is, I do not go through the McDonalds drive thru, even for a soda, because I really struggle with french fries and Big Macs. When I’m trying to be weight conscious, I don’t go near these items. I can’t. I WILL myself to refrain, so not to test my will-power, or lack thereof.

Will-power and a strong-will are not the same, but they are very close cousins. And when used together, a person (or vision/purpose/desire) is virtually unstoppable. It’s like when your head and heart are in unity. It’s why love begins, and ends, with choice. There is profound power in will.

I am going to stop identifying myself as someone who doesn’t have will-power. Clearly I do. Clearly, I am capable of willing myself into smaller pant sizes, moderate food consumption, and so on. And because I know I can do that, I can change my tone. I have the power, given by God, to choose joy over drudgery. I can forgive, if I really WANT to. If I think, therefore I am (or at least on the path toward that evolution/sanctification), I am going to start thinking:

I want the mind of Christ.
I want to wear a bikini.
I want my words to be seasoned with grace and kindness and joy, along with discipline, intellect and truth

I am going to stop identifying my strong-will as a negative quality and start embracing the beauty, discipline, and power that this gift has. And if I see this quality in my children, I pray for the wisdom not to break their will, but cultivate and guide it toward rightness. I feel free now. I choose. I WILL. And I WILL continue.