I feel like I’m sitting on a ship, oh so close to my destination but completely unable to move. The wind has died, the sails are flat and there is absolutely nothing I can do to move ahead. I have done all I can, and still I sit.
Waiting. Waiting.
Waiting for the wind, waiting for something to happen…waiting for the birth of our son. Have I ever told you how much I hate waiting?
I am a planner - a person of action, a producer. I’m not used to relying on time to pass for things to happen and yet, here I sit. Pregnant with hope and anticipation and anxiousness, so close to land, to delivery, to our new life but not quite there; rendered useless in planning our arrival. His arrival.
New life, the new land we’re about to discover – the destination is so close and yet so far away. The land with baby - the life where I am not my own, or even my husband’s - the destination where I am mother. The life that I have dreamed of since I was a little girl is within reach but the ship has stopped.
Damn unpredictable wind.
I can’t wait. And yet it’s all I can do, day after day. I feel so useless.
Help me God, to be patient. Holy Spirit, breath on us.
The Rime of the Ancient Mariner
- Coleridge
All in a hot and copper sky,
The bloody Sun, at noon,
Right up above the mast did stand,
No bigger than the Moon.
Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean
1 comment:
Hey, found you! geez, i think you should "unprivatize." anyway, lose of control is a huge issue in motherhood. you will need to get used to it. you can't control when they scream, poop, grow, eat, throw up, etc. it can be very frustrating, especially for someone of your controlling nature. this is a whole new life force you are bringing into the world. pray up!
Post a Comment