I turn 30 in two days. May Day!
As I look over my twenties, I can’t help but smile, shake my head, and laugh. Ten years and ten thousand mistakes; ten years and ten million blessings. Even in the worst of times – the heartbreaks, disappointments, failures, losses and hardships I am thankful. I learned so much, more so from the difficult times than the good ones. I have no regrets.
I began my twenties in the year 2000. During the misconceived hysteria of Y2K I stood among what seemed like a sea of Chinese in Hong Kong to bring in the new millennium. In my 20’s I traveled to China, the Philippines and Spain; lived in Hawaii, Texas, Lancaster and Pittsburgh; moved 16 times; lived in 8 apartments, 3 houses and 3 dorms; worked 11 different jobs; went back to school as an older student; graduated college top of my class, dated a gazillion "wrong for me" boys; met and married the man of my dreams; got pregnant; and bought a house. I have partied and I have preached, I have loved and I have hated, I have struggled and I have forgiven. I have lived.
What I’ve learned in these ten years of adventure is that I am the sort of person who stubbornly refuses to live in the regret of ‘what-if’ so much so that it has cost me time, money, and probably a few relationships along the way. But I feel confident in this: that cost of living life to the fullest and falling on my face a thousand times, isn’t nearly as painful as living in a fearful bubble of never risking the unknown. With every risk and with every failure, I have grown more and more myself and more and more sure of the faithfulness of my Savior.
Onto a new chapter. 30!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Finishing Well
There has been no greater example of finish well than the Apostle Paul. I am convinced that not just his extravagant obedience, the depths of his faith, or his boundary-less determination are responsible for his achievements, but also an amazing work ethic - his faithfulness in the little things. I suspect Paul had vigilant parents, people in his life who modeled what it meant to complete tasks thoroughly and completely, without complaining or side-stepping or making excuses. Paul may or may not have been a natural born leader, but Paul led by example and that made him revolutionary and meaningful. He held to his word and followed-through. Paul always finished well.
Sometimes it's hard to hear stories about the "founding fathers of our faith" and relate to them. In our western culture, persecution is not something presented to us to such horrific lengths as is was with Paul or Peter or Jesus. To be "tested" and proven somehow on the same page as Paul is useless at best. However, certainly there are areas in my life that test my endurance, try the depths of my faith, confront my selfish desires to quit, or prompt me to surrender the Kingdom. Even in the little stuff, sometimes life just gets monotonous and frustrating. Even without intense persecution, life is hard. Leadership is tough. Walking with Christ isn’t easy. The responsibility of being faithful in the little things can seem downright torturous.
Paul didn’t find happiness or hope in making tents for income, or confronting church friends with their sins, or getting mocked by his former colleagues (let alone suffering beatings). There were likely days he felt poured out and spent, tired and ready to just sleep or take a vacation from the work God had given him. No doubt, the mantle of leadership divinely laid on him and him alone got heavy. I’m sure despair and a desire to turn away from the call crossed his human heart on more than one occasion. I imagine it was the grace of God and Paul’s steadfast work ethic that held him faithful in the little things, that inevitably enabled him opportunity in the bigger things.
I keep circling around this concept as I near the end of my twenties, near the end of my pregnancy, and near the end of my career-focus, let alone what seems to be the end of some close friendships. I want to close chapters with integrity and open new ones with my head held high, able to focus on new beginnings without the distraction of regret or what-if's. I'm praying I finish well because I really believe, people who finish well - begin again well!
2 Timothy 4:6-8 For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.
Sometimes it's hard to hear stories about the "founding fathers of our faith" and relate to them. In our western culture, persecution is not something presented to us to such horrific lengths as is was with Paul or Peter or Jesus. To be "tested" and proven somehow on the same page as Paul is useless at best. However, certainly there are areas in my life that test my endurance, try the depths of my faith, confront my selfish desires to quit, or prompt me to surrender the Kingdom. Even in the little stuff, sometimes life just gets monotonous and frustrating. Even without intense persecution, life is hard. Leadership is tough. Walking with Christ isn’t easy. The responsibility of being faithful in the little things can seem downright torturous.
Paul didn’t find happiness or hope in making tents for income, or confronting church friends with their sins, or getting mocked by his former colleagues (let alone suffering beatings). There were likely days he felt poured out and spent, tired and ready to just sleep or take a vacation from the work God had given him. No doubt, the mantle of leadership divinely laid on him and him alone got heavy. I’m sure despair and a desire to turn away from the call crossed his human heart on more than one occasion. I imagine it was the grace of God and Paul’s steadfast work ethic that held him faithful in the little things, that inevitably enabled him opportunity in the bigger things.
I keep circling around this concept as I near the end of my twenties, near the end of my pregnancy, and near the end of my career-focus, let alone what seems to be the end of some close friendships. I want to close chapters with integrity and open new ones with my head held high, able to focus on new beginnings without the distraction of regret or what-if's. I'm praying I finish well because I really believe, people who finish well - begin again well!
2 Timothy 4:6-8 For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.
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