Choices

I spoke with someone very wise this week about what it means to set healthy boundaries and allow others to make choices for themselves. I really struggle watching loved ones make poor choices when I have done everything to help direct them in the right way. Sometimes we can teach, preach, lecture, model, guide and counsel those closest to us toward the right path, only to watch them choose the wrong one. It can be discouraging and frustrating.

This wise friend brought up the story of the rich young ruler. The young man asked Jesus what good he could do to have eternal life. Jesus answered that to receive eternal life; this ruler must follow the commandments and give all he owned to the poor. (Jesus knew this man's heart was more dedicated to his wealth than the heart of God) Matthew 19:22 says, "When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth." The interesting thing my friend pointed out is that Jesus did not chase after him, trying to persuade him to change his mind. He did not coerce or control the outcome, despite knowing the ruler’s choice was wrong. He let the ruler choose and reap the consequences of that choice.

I think as people - parents, friends, children - are often uncomfortable allowing God to be God, so we step in with our high and mighty Messiah complexes, trying to fix our families and friends. We entangle ourselves in the choices of others and often assume responsibility for burdens that are not ours to carry. We have poor relational boundaries this way. We think our excessive and obsessive "care" and entanglement in the choices of our loved ones mirrors Christ. Given the story of the young ruler, however, Jesus did not act this way at all.

Jesus loved by allowing the freedom of choice to remain in the hands of the individual. He taught, preached, lectured, modeled, guided and counseled while permitting free-will.

I think Jesus grieved the decision of the young ruler and the many others who rejected Him as Messiah, but he did not chase after them and force His will or His message upon them. Instead, He trusted the heart of the Father and knew that not all would believe.

Sometimes the best conviction is to allow the choices of another to come full circle. Sin does not go hidden and consequence-free for very long. We call it tough love and healthy boundaries. I think Jesus would have just called it the way of the cross. Matthew 7:13-14 says, Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life and only a few find it. We can teach, preach, lecture, model, guide and counsel those close to us toward the right path, but, in the end, every person must choose for themselves whom they will serve and what path they will tred.

I'm trying to set better boundaries!