I have to get these things off my chest. They tickle my mind late at night and serve to distract me during the day. Sometimes it's the little lingering, unresolved thoughts that produce the most stress. At any rate... here are my "randoms," part nine.
• My baby turned two last week and was simply an angel face, mesmerized by cake candles, tissue paper and brightly colored trains! His obsession with trains has only intensified after receiving one choo-choo after the other as well as a large train table, which now takes up some significant space in my all too crowded living room. He is bright and hope-filled, full of strong emotions and unintelligible words. He is purposeful and inquisitive, and drinks more milk (muk) than I think should be humanly possible. He tests us daily but he makes us laugh even more. He adores sister time and mommy hugs and dada rough housing. Nico is Nico; unique and special and truly wonderfully made.
• I visited a different church on Sunday. It’s funny; all the analogies of Christ and “His Bride” have had an odd subconscious effect on me. I evidently think of my local church, where I am a member, as my boyfriend. By visiting another church I found myself somehow feeling as if I’ve cheated on ‘him.’ I’m weird, with a guilty conscience. (I was raised Baptist people, cut me some slack!)
At any rate, the new church we checked out was very different. Small and casual and young and media heavy and coffee-centric. I liked it, quite a bit actually, especially the worship which was contemporary but not showy, technically excellent and reverent. I’m so used to ‘big church’ so anything less than a few thousand in attendance is shocking, and somehow refreshing. Big has its advantages, but so does small. I think this is one of those things that depend on the needs and desires and preferences of you and your family. To be clear, I am not making any proclamations of leaving my church. Or church in general for that matter. I’m just feeling out the changes my family and I are going through. And it’s good to explore sometimes. If I do decide to make some changes in this area it will be for the reasons stated above and that should be honored and supported. Sometimes I think the test of a truly free and positive faith community is measures not just in how they build one another up but how they release others to worship and serve elsewhere.
• I think handing out formula to new mothers is like handing out condoms to teens. Just because a new mom has a free can of milk doesn’t mean she’ll give up her breastfeeding ideals (if she has them in the first place) and give her baby the stuff in the same way that an abstinent committed teen isn’t going to have illicit sex just because she was given a condom. Everywhere I turn; people are freaking out about other people’s agendas and then responding with an agenda. It’s kind of exhausting. I’d like to respond to some of these shenanigans with a big “shut the hell up” but alas, that’d be yet another agenda.
• I’ve been thinking about some decisions that I’ve made lately and deeply impressed with this idea that sometimes (-SOMETIMES-) the perceived ‘right thing’ isn’t always the ‘obedient thing.’ Circumventing process may be easier, but may not be the divine purpose intended for us. So often, I just want to make suffering and awkwardness and discomfort GO AWAY for me and for others. But sometimes, doing so actually prolongs the season of pain because it’s IN the trial that perseverance is created and therefor, character built.
• I enjoy this cooler weather so much. It’s so nice to inhale the sweet smell of last night’s rain vs. the stagnant humidity of 90 degrees. This summer has been rough; almost like a freezing winter in that it’s impossible to take my children outside when it’s suffering-hot. Selah, plain and simple, cannot handle the heat. I’m not that much better.
• I look forward to fall like I look forward to getting well. (I’ve been non-contagiously sick for weeks!) Summer hadn’t only been HOT as HELL it’s been rough in lots of ways. I’m ready for a new season marked by a hopeful harvest.
Signing off! Have a nice day
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