...the correlation between sex and worship
Here's my confession; I don't always want to have sex with my husband.
Here's another; I don't always want to go to church, or more specifically, I don't always want to worship.
Something I've learned over the years of being a Believer and therefore a worshipper of God is that spiritual disciplines don't exist so God can enslave us with yet another mandate. God isn't about the system or the program; God does not ask us to jump through hoops just because He can.
One of the biggest fallacies I experienced growing up in a legalistic, Independent Baptist church is that God can be bought. Ironically, for a denomination that so heavily rests on a free-will, saved by grace, anti-Catholic doctrine, they put a hell of a lot of weight on works. No, you can't technically get to heaven for doing your daily devos and witnessing, but you sure get a crap load of gold stars, I mean crowns, for doing so. In that faith practice, there is certainly a narrow way to heaven and that path is a landmine, riddled with ways to work your way into God's good graces.
If spiritual disciplines do not exist to win God's favor, why is it important to read the Bible, pray, meditate, fast and worship? Do the spiritual disciplines really even matter?
For me, it's the basics. It's getting a solid foundation set so that when hard times come and faith-testing times seem endlessly knocking, I have built healthy habits that point me toward positive thinking, a productive prayer life, an attitude of thanks and a heart of worship. Even in the bleakest times in my faith and even if most of my prayers consist of me M-F-ing the situation, I still pray. I commune with my Savior. If I don't have that, I don't have much.
And even when I'm mad at my church. Or Church at large. Even when I disbelieve and distrust and question the entirety of faith gatherings as a concept, I am simply unable to disconnect from corporate worship for very long. Because it's habit. It's what I do. It's who I am. And even if I fought with my family and disagreed with the opening prayer and someone looked at me funny before worship even started, I'm always (or at least usually) glad I came. I'm much happier after I do. There is something to be said for perseverance. There is gratification in obedience.
Here's why I'm discovering that sex is like worship...
Usually based off of bad hollywood depictions or sheer ignorance there is this ever-present thought that sex should be some super-glamorous thing, every single time. That the ideal sexual expression consists of a happy couple, in the mood, at the exact time the other is, raring to go at the drop of a hat. (or when the kids go to bed) If this depicts your marriage, please come over (with a few bottles of wine) and explain yourself to me. For most of us, post-kids especially, it's not that glamorous. Sometimes, in even the happiest, well-rested moments, it's still one person conjuring up the energy and desire to "do it," simply because it's what the other one wants/needs.
The faithful practice of marital sex seems to come right down to the basics; a solid foundation set so that when hard times come and relational testing times seem endlessly knocking, there has been healthy habits built that point toward positive thinking, open communication, an attitude of thanks and a heart to give pleasure. Even in the bleakest times of marriage and even if most dinner table conversations consist of bills, kids, bitching and moaning, it's vital to come together, unified in intercourse. It's a discipline - giving of self for the sake of what is right, needed, requested or wanted. If we can't do that, we can't do much.
Like worship, sex is in-part, communion - the bread and cup...to remember. Remember. Remember the times that were light and lovely, easy and endearing, tested and true. Like worship, there will be times that seem effortless, fluid, exciting and alluring - overwhelmingly enticing - like moving air and water and fire and earth. But other times, when reality is so hard it feels like it's breaking you and your spouse apart, there is something to be said for perseverance, for going through the motions. There is gratification in obedience - an act of worship. I believe God honors that. Our spouses will too. No matter what else is going on in life, personally, I'm ALWAYS glad I came. I'm much happier after I do.
Something I've been challenged with this summer, in both my marriage and faith journey is not to question in the dark what I knew to be true in the light - to stick to the disciplines - even if it feels like I'm going through the motions. One reward of many? I'm always glad I came.
